Help the Economy: Shop American

I am going to say something bad. Try counting to 10 and thinking before you dismiss me. Try substituting curiosity instead of judgment. My bad words are: "I finally understand what it is to be American." Not only that, I know how to do my part in helping turn around America's flagging economy. Years ago I was a pilgrim abroad seeking other cultures to plant my roots. After a year of traveling I returned to my home. It's too complex to reiterate all the reasons why, but I knew I was an American and this was where I would live.

So one thing Obama has got right is that if we are going to shore up our economy, we have to buy American. I am suddenly obsessed with the idea in the most practical way.

The election night tableau of the Obama family on stage brought home how much has changed in American culture. The history-ready photograph that was seen around the world was color-coded, perfectly designed and purchased all-American. Now let's get this straight. I love my Valentino and was recently photographed for a fashion magazine in my favorite Galliano. Wearing my red Dior lambskin jacket butters my soul. (Okay, I'm a bit hyperbolic, it's only my skin.) But American is now my preference, and you will be glad to hear, it won't be St. John.

Obama didn't wear Zegna or Brioni, two European men's designers whose fabrics and cuts are as they say "to die for." He stuck with the darkest blue Chicago company Hart Schaffner Marx made and looked just swell. His red and grey striped tie color coordinated with Sasha and Maila's outfits, and Michelle's black and red was also designed by an American. I admit, on TV the dress looked awful, but after researching the dress, it was by Cuban immigrant Narciso Rodriguez, designer of the wedding dress worn by the late fashionista Carolyn Bessette Kennedy. Michelle had tossed an all-American black cardigan over the dress's curvy lines and had probably never realized that the lacey fabric didn't show well on TV. I've little doubt that she'll do better next time.

But I've gotten the message. For years I've said that Detroit had to go hybrid to compete, that windmills were for more than chasing after and that manufacturing and purchasing US made would be how our economy could grow. This country is a great pace to travel, and vacations to fit every desire can be had without leaving our states and territories.

Does this mean I will avoid the rest of the word? No. After all, we are a World Wide Web world. But I will think twice about keeping my purchase close to home. When possible, I will shop American products. I suggest you do too.

Caregiving and Sex: A Conversation

I used to say that my last book, When The Man You Love is Ill: Doing The Best for Your Partner Without Losing Yourself, wasn't really a sexy book. While it's true that Caregiving isn't usually considered a sexy subject, I do have an entire section devoted to taking care of your relationship. And one chapter, "Your Sex Life and Serious Illness," offers tons of psychological and practical tips on how to keep your sex life alive.Last week, I was traveling, appearing on media and speaking to groups on various subjects. Exhausted, I arrived for my final flight home. The airline attendant behind the center was someone I've gotten to know well. She's a lovely woman and as we chatted about my speech that morning at the Jacksonville Jewish Center and about her life, the subject of sex came up. "My husband was in a terrible car crash four months ago," Janine told me. "He almost died."I was taken aback at her news and as the airport was relatively empty, we continued to chat. He's been home recuperating and she's been the primary caregiver, mom of four young kids and trying to keep life functioning, one day at a time.I don't remember how the subject of sex came up. Maybe we were talking about the effect of his medications? Impishly, she looked at me and said, "My husband says the train is in the station, but he isn't able to board, but honey, come on over and hop on the caboose."Tired as I was, I left smiling. As I walked towards my plane, over my shoulder I said to her. "Consider that line too good not to be shared."

Thanksgiving: Maintaining Holiday Spirit While Learning from the Past

This Thanksgiving it is more important than ever to pay attention to what we have to be Thankful for. For me, it's health, family, friends the ability to pay bills and gratitude that I have the discipline to continue to exercise and eat well and think clearly. I add the latter "disciplines" as I believe that these are important factors for all of us to pay attention to in order to age positively.Amid screaming headlines such as "Market Fall Deepens as Concerns Mount on Banks" (Wall Street Journal, Nov. 21, 2008) and "Financial System Suffers Relapse" (Washington Post, Nov. 21, 2008), as well as hearing quite frequently that an additional (be my guest and name any astonishingly large figure) have been laid off at (name the company of your choice), millions in America are saying, "I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can't even breathe easily." They are obsessed with failed 401K's, looming non-retirement, job security, issues related to children's schools, health, etc. And what about sick parents, spouses and loved ones? What if you aren't sick, but are a caregiver as well? Many are having panic attacks, are depressed or are obsessively wondering where they went wrong and what to do. You may even be doing all those mentioned and more.So, during this most American of all holidays, the day set aside for family and gratitude, how do we overcome our fears and, for many, their terror about the future? We all know it's not going to get better soon. FiftyAndFurthermore.com can offer articles designed to give you practical tips to help you enjoy this holiday time. My own focus is how to help you deal with doom and gloom, if only for a day or two, and experience fulfillment and abundance. During these upcoming months, my FiftyAndFurthermore team and I will continue to give you practical information and sustainable information about how to cope with your emotional downs and ups as well as your finances. So look for our special section called Couch and Cash which will focus on your psyche as wells your pocketbook.We have much to learn from the past. Our grandparents or great-grandparents went from the high times of the 20's to the low times of the 30's. Now, we are the ones moving from the high times of the 90's and 2000's to the low times that are coming. They survived, loved, had sex, made babies and kept families together. So will we, and those of us over fifty will use our knowledge to help pave the way.This is a time to learn from nature's cycles and remember that "for everything there is a season" This is our season to remember our abundance, our love and the need to reach out to each other. This is the time for gratitude for what we have. No matter what else is going on, embrace those you love and those less fortunate than yourself. As a country, as individuals and as families, this is the time to remember that Life is too hard to do alone - Reach Out.

A Theme Worth Thinking About: Women and Peace

Last week, I was privileged to attend an event at the striking Swedish Embassy to honor PeaceXPeace founder Patricia Smith Melton's new book 60 Years, 60 Voices, celebrating the wisdom and stories of 60 Israeli and Palestinian women over 60 years. Listening to the presentation and talking to the many wonderful women (and men) I was privileged to meet, once again I was reminded of the many differences between women and men. Women are born in a word of wombs and circles. Men are born pointed and more linear. As a psychologist I have been known to say that women cooperate first, compete second. Men compete first, and then cooperate. I came away wondering what would happen if more women raised their powerful voices cooperatively in unison. What power they have. In fact, aren't women the ones who swung this last election?

Post Election Blues

There's a pall in Washington, DC these days and while it may not be as palpable throughout the land, I suspect it exists in states both red and blue. It's akin to a 22 month pregnancy. The baby is now born and the post partum depression is real bad. For many it's taken the form of staring vacantly at their favorite TV channel. What's Brit saying on FOX today, or Scarborough, Hannity and Combs, Rachel Maddow or Chris Mathews? CNN anchors? Yeah they're Ok. But they were relatively tame to begin with, so why start now? The McCain folk are trying to figure out what went wrong and how, as good Americans, to get behind Obama. The Obama folk, though elated, are mostly in a waiting game. The deed 's done. Now how do they nurse the newborn? And what kind of kid will this be any way?
For those who are planning to attend an inaugural ball, is this a fur coat fiesta? Or, in these economic times, is the stylish cloth coat just right? (Remember the Pat Nixon days? Yes, I know it's a different party, but the dilemma remains.) And what are Michelle and Jill going to wear anyway?
On the whole, though many still have bells on their toes and others are in sack cloth and ashes, most everyone is still turning on TVs, listening to radio ( sort ofthat poor dying breed) and flipping what newspapers are left and seeing nothing. My advice: Take a breath and keep going. Have no fear, the economic crunch will get worse and post inaugural evaluations are yet to come. New issues will return to pique your interest. But will it be like the passion of the past 22 months? Not likely.

Healing Our Political Divide

Whether or not one voted for Barack Obama, both sides seem to realize that his election helped make history. With Mr. Obama's election, the question of race in American society is not eliminated. However, it is a step in the right direction. The overwhelming mandate for Obama signifies many things both actual and symbolic. One of the most significant affirmations is our evolving attitude towards possibility, race and culture. In essence, though technically American, Obama's story is an immigrant's tale. He is a man of humble origins who, through the consistency of mother's and grandparents' love and his own ability, hard work and desire, has risen to America's highest office. Truly, his election is a symbol of the possibility of the American Dream.

During his concession speech, John McCain, a true American hero and a man of courage, rose to one of his finest moments. He pledged his support to the winner and by his words and demeanor urged his supporters to do the same.

The next months, probably years, will test Obama and his selected team's skills in unfathomable ways. Whatever success they have will depend not only on their ability, but also on us. This is not a time for further political divides. May we all be Americans and continue to voice our differences, diversity and support. When faced with disappointment, despair and hope, let us choose hope.

Election Day: Getting Personal about Sex and Politics

I am AARP's sexpert on the Retirement Living Television (RLTV) network show, "My Generation." My segment is called "On the Couch." and can also be viewed on aarp.org (click on "TV" at the top of the home page), on various local CNN channels, and on this website FiftyandFurthermore.com (click on "Dr. Dorree Lynn" on the home page, then click on "Dr. D Live.") I am also a psychologist with a private practice and I've been in this field for almost four decades - which means there's little about a couple' relationship and sex life that I haven't been privy to. I list some of my credentials as it's not too surprising that during this emotional Election Day, some of my thoughts turn from politics to sex. I find it striking that throughout this almost two year campaign little about the candidates' sex lives has seemed of interest. Well, that's not totally true. Of course the subject came up around Hillary and Bill. And yes, there was a bit of journalistic writing around John McCain's relationship with his first wife, Carol. But to my knowledge, there's been a paucity of media exploration about each couple's sexual relationship.
I know that many people wonder what will go on the master bedroom of the White House for the next four years. Sure there's pillow talk. But what else? Does anyone wonder if McCain uses Viagra? Or is Michelle and Barack's fist bump all they do?
I doubt that I am more prurient than most, but am simply stating the obvious. I well remember the press asking Betty Ford how often she sleeps with her husband. Bless that irrepressible and honest woman. Without missing a beat she said; "As often as I can." I can't help but wonder how our next first lady will respond to that question, be it openly asked or not.