My Own Sex And The City Experience

I recently experienced Sex and the City in my own little steaming hot spot. In a steam room of all places, five women ages 38-44 entered. They asked if I minded if they "man bashed." I said No, as long as I could comment. Their tales were all too familiar and common in a city like DC: The married guy who was staying with his wife for the sake of the children; the never-married guy with money, charm and good manners, but who didn't want to be committed; the "I love you, but I have to travel tons, and I may be moving" guy; the guy who says "I think you are a great catch but I'm already in love with someone else (though I am still playing the field);" the attractive twice-divorced brunette who has become a runaway bride with two broken engagements just before the wedding. You get the picture. These are all accomplished and lovely, attractive women. They are lonely and their self esteem is down the toilet. They claim there are no decent single men, but they haven’t looked outside their own safety zone. Sound familiar? Ladies, get your rear into good therapy. Learn about yourselves and your own patterns. Date someone who is willing to work on a relationship and learn what it takes.

I know your bed can get cold. I know it can get lonely at times. But ladies, you deserve more than a great roll in the hay (though I know that's fun). And your guys, they deserve more as well. Help them know what they need to do. You will both be better for it. The sex part is easy; the relationship part is not.

I left that steam room thankful I was no longer young. When it comes to relationships, Saging seems well worthwhile.

Finally! Science Secures Continued Savoring Of One Of My Sins!

New Hints that Red Wine May Slow Aging:

http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P2-2185173.html
http://www.nutritionj.com/content/6/1/27

Oh joy, oh joy. This study makes me happy. I eat well, rarely to excess, eat almost no meat, and an alcoholic drink barely passes my lips, but I love my red (and white) wine. Now, it seems, I can imbibe to my heart's content, in moderation of course, purely medicinally to stay alive. Maybe the ancient Jews and Christians knew what they were doing when they added wine to their religious rituals. Seems all the antioxidants and other good stuff contained in red wine appear to prolong youth and fend off aging. This doubles my determination not to quit the stuff. I always knew it was medicinal of the best kind. So glad science is giving me additional permission to stay on something I already enjoy. Sometimes the body seems to know how to care for itself.

The ancients were wise. Viva wine now and when I am one hundred and ten!

50 Plus Single, Savvy, S-age Seeking Love

I spend many hours a week listening to single people struggling to find someone to love and be loved by. Often, they have been married, widowed or divorced, or some have never been in a long term committed relationship. Whether they are bitter, afraid or simply don't know how to date, learning to maneuver today's dating scene always takes some education and effort.

Perhaps the biggest hurdle is that most people don't realize that just about everyone they meet has some of the same insecurities they do and that no one has an Olympic gold medal in the brave greet and meet "meat market." This is a particularly challenging concept to women who tend to believe that men have it easy and can have anyone they want. While it is true that in our society dating is often easier for men than for women, it is not true that most men don't have their hang ups as well. Yes, because of the fact that there are more over 50 single women than men; men do have a numbers advantage leading to greater selection. However, numbers don't mean everything. By the time the sexes have reached the half century mark, women often are the more knowledgeable about what makes a relationship work.

The trick is simply to get out of the safety zone of your home or work environment and go about doing activities that you enjoy. Getting involved with others around mutual interests pretty much guarantees that you might have a good time. You may or may not meet the prince or princess of your dreams, but you will be out of your comfort zone, you will be networking and you might even have a good time. Be it a museum, golf lesson, movie group, hiking or cycling club; whatever turns you on, as the Nike ad says: "Just Do It!" Another important point to remember is that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, especially your own. Smooth or wrinkled skin, model thin or a few extra pounds. So what? There something for everyone. I remember one client, age 50 who lost about 100 pounds which still left her weighing around a hefty 250. She met a lovely military man whose comment was "thank goodness there's something to hold on to. I'm glad you have some curves to you." She married him and last I heard they remained deeply in love.

My message: Get out. Go out. Sexy is inside of you. Do what you love to do with joy. It will be infectious and who else knows where that joy may lead?

Erectile Dysfunction After Prostate Surgery

I was on the Jim Bohannon show last month talking about saging, life, sex and other issues that have to do with our exciting website www.fiftyandfurthermore.com. A brave caller asked the following question. "I am in my mid fifties, had prostate cancer and no longer perform or function as a man Dr. Lynn. What do I do?"

There are many remedies to penile or sexual dysfunction as a result of prostate surgery. I chose not to go into all the possibilities and complications in the 3 minutes allotted me. And simply, sounding a bit cavalier said "so what?" Meaning you are still human and capable of connection, and relationships, there is still a place for you. The man seemed relieved.

It's easy to understand how part of one's identity seems diminished when you can no longer perform as you once did. Regaining self confidence and feeling like a stud (if he ever was one) becomes a major issue. I hope this guy talks to his friends, joins a support group, and/or enters short time therapy and get some help before he risks becoming a recluse. He's got plenty of issues to fiddle with, that's for sure. My wish is that he gets help remembering that he has an identity that is the sum of more than his dick. With perseverance, patience and loving connections, he will be able to find a fulfilling life. Is it easy… "No." But, is it possible… "Yes." I've seen it happen, therefore I know it is possible.

Sex and the City vs. the Golden Girls

Is it unconscious envy or have I really grown into a different mindset? With all the Sex and the City movie hype, I find myself longing for something more age appropriate such as The Golden Girls. No, I never was a Golden Girls fan, but at this point neither am I A Sex and the City Wannabe. I have begun to find Carrie's self exploration, reminiscent of my daughters self absorptions before they grew up and settled down. I want to dump the lot of them in therapy and say, "Hey, grow up and stop trying to sex your way through life. Sex is easy; it's learning how to have a relationship that takes work. Get thee into decent therapy and let your hunger get filled. Learn the difference between activity and productivity. Stay still and breathe."
 
Yes, I love bonding between women. And yes, they watch each other's backs. And yes, they are a team. But at my age, do I really want to watch my kids and friends antics all over again? I've risen too many and listened to too many of their age try to grow up. (I admit I still try to help a few S&TC type women and men here and there.)
 
And the fashions? Admittedly, I own several pairs of Manolos. But, blessedly, my life is about far more than shoes. I proudly come from a generation that wore what they wished, which might even have been nothing (if you went to Woodstock and/or were part of the Woodstock nation). And Carrie's red carpet hat-thing perched on her head seemed like a contrived reaching for individuality that neither she nor anyone else needs to spend a fortune on to declare their identity. You can be who you are and wear what you want, and it might even look good instead of silly.
 
OK, tell me I've become an old fuddy duddy and I no longer understand. I really don't think so. I'm happy to applaud the TV series, the movie and all the profits everyone involved will reap. But, truth is told ladies, "It just ain't that new". Anyone my age has seen it beforeand perhaps even been part of their version of sex, (After all, we are the generation that changed everyone's future because the FDA approved birth control for us.)
 
So I am glad Carrie, Miranda and friends are out there for the new generation. But for me, watching their antics makes me happy I'm not young again. Nowadays, a little depth goes a long way. Or as the saying goes: "a little dab will do ya") That's about as much as I can take.
 
Youngsters enjoy. And maybe you too will one day live a few quiet cell free moments and walk in comfortable shoes and feel you look beautiful, just because you are. And men will flock to you, because that's what men do. And you will sit back and choose the one you want with a bit of a flutter and care. Will I see the movie? Maybe? But, with all the wonderful Indie films out there, it certainly isn't my first choice.

Sex is Still Around - Only Different

America is both a puritanical and prurient society. We shout family values, but the definition of family now extends to include two people of the same sex, chosen children, blended and extended relatives, and less and less of the once prevalent concept of Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids and Leave It To Beaver white picket fence bonds.

Sex sells and no matter what family value we promote, we are surrounded by this reality at every turn. Open any magazine, tune into most TV channels, watch any sport, even attend cultural high brow events such as the Opera, and you will find ads geared to get us in the crotch blasted from every angle.

The generation who witnessed the sudden availability of birth control, who "f—ked for peace," who lay down in streets against war and shouted "Never Trust Anyone Over Thirty" - are all over fifty and furthermore. We have become the age that we railed against.
We who once thought we had discovered Estrogen Avenue and Testosterone Boulevard are now not only over thirty but pushing fifty, sixty and more. And we find we still want to "do it." Only most of us find it simply isn't the same.

What has changed? For many of us, sex may be slower, less satisfying - or better than ever. But one thing is for sure; it certainly is different. My advice to my peers: Don't rush to your local MD (many of whom once were the purveyors of illegal drugs and have now become the doctors, respected prescribers of legal ones). Instead do something more complex but possibly longer-lasting. Change your attitude. Use your brain - it remains your most important sexual organ. Stop comparing yourself to what you once were and enjoy yourself as you are now. Remember, too, the largest sexual "organ" is your skin. Sex remains. But for most of us (blessedly), it is different than when we were mindlessly young.

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