Plenty of Fish in the Sea

The age of prince, or princess, charming showing up at your door is over. But, hard as it is to believe, there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you are single and hoping to find a life partner or an interim good-fit companion, you can’t just sit at home and expect Mister or Miss Right to magically show up at your door. Finding your match is like job hunting, only harder. Like on a job search, you might get lucky the first time out, or you may have to invest some time and intelligence into sorting through the possibilities. As with job hunting, it helps to know yourself and be persistent. Unlike job hunting, looking for a potential mate involves more of the whole you, body, mind, and heart. And then there’s that confusing question of sex. If you go out, do you have to put out? Does a guy have different needs than a gal? Do you even know your needs? Are you aware of the new rules for dating so you can keep safe and find who you want? Dating after 50 takes some research and smart thinking, a cautiously open heart and the willingness to invest some time and effort in the present so that you can change your future.

Calling All Men with Falling Hair, Faulty Plumbing, and Flagging Dicks

I am totally immersed in writing my new book tentatively titled Is there Sex After 50? (Health Communications, Inc, Spring 2010). They are the publishers of Chicken Soup for The Soul and many other New_York Times, best sellers. Who know what will happen? The important part is that I’m loving writing it and working intensely to meet my summer deadline. I’ll tell you much more about the book as I complete chapters. For now, here’s a first draft teaser that may or may not be changed. I do tell you how to fix the challenges in the book and will shortly in a blog.

Calling All Men with Falling Hair, Faulty Plumbing, and Flagging Dicks

Is your hair thinning or already gone? Are your whiskers going grayer than an old goose? When you wake up in the middle of the night to pee (again!), does your belly stick out further than your prick?

Back when you were young, you wanted to make love, again and again. Now you’re lucky if you can just get it up. Are you wondering what changed? More importantly, wouldn’t you love to know how to fix it?

Sex Trumps Economics

There’s no doubt about it, times are tough. Instead of letting the recession take a toll on your relationship, the trick is to utilize these economically challenging times to remember qualities that can strengthen your most endearing relationships. Be honest about what you are upset/stressed about, but don’t play the “blame game.”

Five Relationship Building Tips:

COMMUNICATE. Be open and communicate what is going on financially with each person. Discuss how much each person is making, what your budget is and where you will cut costs to make up for a lower income or just to increase savings. Never assume how things should work financially. People often make assumptions in relationships based on their own family dynamics, which can cause trouble if you are not on the same page. Always talk about it.

BE THOUGHTFUL. Some advice: “My boyfriend is a financial planner and I recently learned to check the stock market at the end of the day. Most importantly, it means a lot to him that I pay attention to the things that are important to him and second, it gives me a heads up on what kind of mood he’ll be in when he gets home!” The important thing is to be sensitive to each other’s reactions to money and individual stresses about the financial situation.

ACT AS A TEAM. Do not blame one person or another for making less money or losing their job. Combine your resources and figure out what works best for both of you. It’s also important to set goals together. If you are the major bread winner, make sure your partner doesn’t feel guilty by reassuring him/her that you are a team. If you make less, help the other person not to feel resentful by making extra contributions in other aspects of your relationship and daily lives. Remember roles can switch in a heartbeat.

SEX HELPS. At the end of a long day, sex helps. (Even an afternoon delight-if you can squeeze it in.) It’s been proven that good sex releases “happy hormones.” Therefore, it is a great way for a couple to come together and focus on each other rather than life’s challenges.

NEVER TALK ECONOMICS IN THE BEDROOM. If you want to experience performance anxiety, just plain anxiety or get into a fight, go ahead and talk money in bed. My advice: Never.!!! Save such conversations for a designated time, with a glass of wine or a cup of tea. But never confuse a discussion about stressful economics with a joyful outcome about thee and me.

Sex is Recession Proof; Love is Depression Proof

In the wake of dire predictions of our current economic crisis and, even more so, actually dealing with the reality of shrinking bank accounts, a poor real estate market and tons of fraud, many people are experiencing psychological highs and lows as well as multiple stress related physical symptoms. A great antidote to depression, sleeplessness and general malaise is sex. Sex, with or without penetration or orgasm, though both are pluses, produces more than psychological benefit. When individuals are aroused their bodies release natural feel-good endorphins. These endorphins help keep the body healthy and spirits high.

Reaching out to those you care about and even those who may be less fortunate than you are and need your help, also helps keep you happier. Good relationships and loving connections produce hormones that are known as “happy hormones” or “live longer hormones” that help keep individuals healthier and alive.

There is even reason to reach out for the one glass of red wine which produces energy additive antioxidants which keep stamina going and help your bedtime activities stay active. In addition, “forbidden” delights such as chocolate can also be heart healthy in many ways. flavonoids fight disease, and antioxidants prevent some of the risk factors associated with heart attacks and strokes. Chocolate is also rich in an amino acid called phenyl ethylamine, the "love chemical” that serves as a natural anti-depressant. Of course if you break out in acne or your waist line enlarges or you have diabetes, these preventative joys are not a good idea. Warning: use with caution and consult your health professional before you change your diet.

During the great depression families got closer, not more distant. Precisely because of the duress due to the times, they needed each other and reached out for support and sustenance. They also had less time and/or interest in divorce, acquisitions of unnecessary items and extraneous costly activities.

So, under our current economic stress, don’t quit and certainly don’t be a loner. Join with those you care about. Keep doing activities that you enjoy (even though you may have to scale down frequency or be innovative about how to afford them.) Eat some otherwise ‘forbidden foods”, have sex with those you care about, not those who are simply handy such as your postal person or hairdresser, and certainly open your heart to demonstrate love to those you truly care about. Think about sex and love as the best prescriptions for your health. And the best part is that they are free.

Help the Economy: Shop American

I am going to say something bad. Try counting to 10 and thinking before you dismiss me. Try substituting curiosity instead of judgment. My bad words are: "I finally understand what it is to be American." Not only that, I know how to do my part in helping turn around America's flagging economy. Years ago I was a pilgrim abroad seeking other cultures to plant my roots. After a year of traveling I returned to my home. It's too complex to reiterate all the reasons why, but I knew I was an American and this was where I would live.

So one thing Obama has got right is that if we are going to shore up our economy, we have to buy American. I am suddenly obsessed with the idea in the most practical way.

The election night tableau of the Obama family on stage brought home how much has changed in American culture. The history-ready photograph that was seen around the world was color-coded, perfectly designed and purchased all-American. Now let's get this straight. I love my Valentino and was recently photographed for a fashion magazine in my favorite Galliano. Wearing my red Dior lambskin jacket butters my soul. (Okay, I'm a bit hyperbolic, it's only my skin.) But American is now my preference, and you will be glad to hear, it won't be St. John.

Obama didn't wear Zegna or Brioni, two European men's designers whose fabrics and cuts are as they say "to die for." He stuck with the darkest blue Chicago company Hart Schaffner Marx made and looked just swell. His red and grey striped tie color coordinated with Sasha and Maila's outfits, and Michelle's black and red was also designed by an American. I admit, on TV the dress looked awful, but after researching the dress, it was by Cuban immigrant Narciso Rodriguez, designer of the wedding dress worn by the late fashionista Carolyn Bessette Kennedy. Michelle had tossed an all-American black cardigan over the dress's curvy lines and had probably never realized that the lacey fabric didn't show well on TV. I've little doubt that she'll do better next time.

But I've gotten the message. For years I've said that Detroit had to go hybrid to compete, that windmills were for more than chasing after and that manufacturing and purchasing US made would be how our economy could grow. This country is a great pace to travel, and vacations to fit every desire can be had without leaving our states and territories.

Does this mean I will avoid the rest of the word? No. After all, we are a World Wide Web world. But I will think twice about keeping my purchase close to home. When possible, I will shop American products. I suggest you do too.

Caregiving and Sex: A Conversation

I used to say that my last book, When The Man You Love is Ill: Doing The Best for Your Partner Without Losing Yourself, wasn't really a sexy book. While it's true that Caregiving isn't usually considered a sexy subject, I do have an entire section devoted to taking care of your relationship. And one chapter, "Your Sex Life and Serious Illness," offers tons of psychological and practical tips on how to keep your sex life alive.Last week, I was traveling, appearing on media and speaking to groups on various subjects. Exhausted, I arrived for my final flight home. The airline attendant behind the center was someone I've gotten to know well. She's a lovely woman and as we chatted about my speech that morning at the Jacksonville Jewish Center and about her life, the subject of sex came up. "My husband was in a terrible car crash four months ago," Janine told me. "He almost died."I was taken aback at her news and as the airport was relatively empty, we continued to chat. He's been home recuperating and she's been the primary caregiver, mom of four young kids and trying to keep life functioning, one day at a time.I don't remember how the subject of sex came up. Maybe we were talking about the effect of his medications? Impishly, she looked at me and said, "My husband says the train is in the station, but he isn't able to board, but honey, come on over and hop on the caboose."Tired as I was, I left smiling. As I walked towards my plane, over my shoulder I said to her. "Consider that line too good not to be shared."

Thanksgiving: Maintaining Holiday Spirit While Learning from the Past

This Thanksgiving it is more important than ever to pay attention to what we have to be Thankful for. For me, it's health, family, friends the ability to pay bills and gratitude that I have the discipline to continue to exercise and eat well and think clearly. I add the latter "disciplines" as I believe that these are important factors for all of us to pay attention to in order to age positively.Amid screaming headlines such as "Market Fall Deepens as Concerns Mount on Banks" (Wall Street Journal, Nov. 21, 2008) and "Financial System Suffers Relapse" (Washington Post, Nov. 21, 2008), as well as hearing quite frequently that an additional (be my guest and name any astonishingly large figure) have been laid off at (name the company of your choice), millions in America are saying, "I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can't even breathe easily." They are obsessed with failed 401K's, looming non-retirement, job security, issues related to children's schools, health, etc. And what about sick parents, spouses and loved ones? What if you aren't sick, but are a caregiver as well? Many are having panic attacks, are depressed or are obsessively wondering where they went wrong and what to do. You may even be doing all those mentioned and more.So, during this most American of all holidays, the day set aside for family and gratitude, how do we overcome our fears and, for many, their terror about the future? We all know it's not going to get better soon. FiftyAndFurthermore.com can offer articles designed to give you practical tips to help you enjoy this holiday time. My own focus is how to help you deal with doom and gloom, if only for a day or two, and experience fulfillment and abundance. During these upcoming months, my FiftyAndFurthermore team and I will continue to give you practical information and sustainable information about how to cope with your emotional downs and ups as well as your finances. So look for our special section called Couch and Cash which will focus on your psyche as wells your pocketbook.We have much to learn from the past. Our grandparents or great-grandparents went from the high times of the 20's to the low times of the 30's. Now, we are the ones moving from the high times of the 90's and 2000's to the low times that are coming. They survived, loved, had sex, made babies and kept families together. So will we, and those of us over fifty will use our knowledge to help pave the way.This is a time to learn from nature's cycles and remember that "for everything there is a season" This is our season to remember our abundance, our love and the need to reach out to each other. This is the time for gratitude for what we have. No matter what else is going on, embrace those you love and those less fortunate than yourself. As a country, as individuals and as families, this is the time to remember that Life is too hard to do alone - Reach Out.

A Theme Worth Thinking About: Women and Peace

Last week, I was privileged to attend an event at the striking Swedish Embassy to honor PeaceXPeace founder Patricia Smith Melton's new book 60 Years, 60 Voices, celebrating the wisdom and stories of 60 Israeli and Palestinian women over 60 years. Listening to the presentation and talking to the many wonderful women (and men) I was privileged to meet, once again I was reminded of the many differences between women and men. Women are born in a word of wombs and circles. Men are born pointed and more linear. As a psychologist I have been known to say that women cooperate first, compete second. Men compete first, and then cooperate. I came away wondering what would happen if more women raised their powerful voices cooperatively in unison. What power they have. In fact, aren't women the ones who swung this last election?

Post Election Blues

There's a pall in Washington, DC these days and while it may not be as palpable throughout the land, I suspect it exists in states both red and blue. It's akin to a 22 month pregnancy. The baby is now born and the post partum depression is real bad. For many it's taken the form of staring vacantly at their favorite TV channel. What's Brit saying on FOX today, or Scarborough, Hannity and Combs, Rachel Maddow or Chris Mathews? CNN anchors? Yeah they're Ok. But they were relatively tame to begin with, so why start now? The McCain folk are trying to figure out what went wrong and how, as good Americans, to get behind Obama. The Obama folk, though elated, are mostly in a waiting game. The deed 's done. Now how do they nurse the newborn? And what kind of kid will this be any way?
For those who are planning to attend an inaugural ball, is this a fur coat fiesta? Or, in these economic times, is the stylish cloth coat just right? (Remember the Pat Nixon days? Yes, I know it's a different party, but the dilemma remains.) And what are Michelle and Jill going to wear anyway?
On the whole, though many still have bells on their toes and others are in sack cloth and ashes, most everyone is still turning on TVs, listening to radio ( sort ofthat poor dying breed) and flipping what newspapers are left and seeing nothing. My advice: Take a breath and keep going. Have no fear, the economic crunch will get worse and post inaugural evaluations are yet to come. New issues will return to pique your interest. But will it be like the passion of the past 22 months? Not likely.

Healing Our Political Divide

Whether or not one voted for Barack Obama, both sides seem to realize that his election helped make history. With Mr. Obama's election, the question of race in American society is not eliminated. However, it is a step in the right direction. The overwhelming mandate for Obama signifies many things both actual and symbolic. One of the most significant affirmations is our evolving attitude towards possibility, race and culture. In essence, though technically American, Obama's story is an immigrant's tale. He is a man of humble origins who, through the consistency of mother's and grandparents' love and his own ability, hard work and desire, has risen to America's highest office. Truly, his election is a symbol of the possibility of the American Dream.

During his concession speech, John McCain, a true American hero and a man of courage, rose to one of his finest moments. He pledged his support to the winner and by his words and demeanor urged his supporters to do the same.

The next months, probably years, will test Obama and his selected team's skills in unfathomable ways. Whatever success they have will depend not only on their ability, but also on us. This is not a time for further political divides. May we all be Americans and continue to voice our differences, diversity and support. When faced with disappointment, despair and hope, let us choose hope.

Election Day: Getting Personal about Sex and Politics

I am AARP's sexpert on the Retirement Living Television (RLTV) network show, "My Generation." My segment is called "On the Couch." and can also be viewed on aarp.org (click on "TV" at the top of the home page), on various local CNN channels, and on this website FiftyandFurthermore.com (click on "Dr. Dorree Lynn" on the home page, then click on "Dr. D Live.") I am also a psychologist with a private practice and I've been in this field for almost four decades - which means there's little about a couple' relationship and sex life that I haven't been privy to. I list some of my credentials as it's not too surprising that during this emotional Election Day, some of my thoughts turn from politics to sex. I find it striking that throughout this almost two year campaign little about the candidates' sex lives has seemed of interest. Well, that's not totally true. Of course the subject came up around Hillary and Bill. And yes, there was a bit of journalistic writing around John McCain's relationship with his first wife, Carol. But to my knowledge, there's been a paucity of media exploration about each couple's sexual relationship.
I know that many people wonder what will go on the master bedroom of the White House for the next four years. Sure there's pillow talk. But what else? Does anyone wonder if McCain uses Viagra? Or is Michelle and Barack's fist bump all they do?
I doubt that I am more prurient than most, but am simply stating the obvious. I well remember the press asking Betty Ford how often she sleeps with her husband. Bless that irrepressible and honest woman. Without missing a beat she said; "As often as I can." I can't help but wonder how our next first lady will respond to that question, be it openly asked or not.

Parents, Kids, Politics

Parent child conflict during this political season, can be especially heightened when parents and children are close. Of course, it depends at which developmental stage the child may be. Is the offspring a young adult and a first or second-time voter? Or is he or she older and has already established his/her own lifestyle?

Younger adultchildren, 18-25 or so, may be trying to rebel in acceptable terms and define their own identity. One way of doing this is to reject parental values. Moms and dads who are close to their kids often see themselves through their children's values. Thus, if a younger child votes differently than their parent, the parent may feel rejected. Or mom or dad may feel they have not instilled a good moral, ethical or political value system in their child. The results are that the parent or parents will consciously or unconsciously feel inadequate. If that is the case and they in fact do feel inadequate or as if they have failed as a parent, the parent may try to control their adult child or lash out. This takes the form of a political argument. Conversely, the new voter may be "flexing their muscle" and trying to prove how smart they are and how little their parent knows. This dynamic easily ignites into fire and friction.

If the child is older, possibly married, and has already established a life of their own, theoretically, they have established their own values with their partner. Thus, the child's primary family and commitment is no longer their family of origin, including their parent. The child's allegiances have shifted. As a result, parents may have a hard time "letting go" and again they may feel rejected, dropped and cast aside. Hurt and angry feelings ensue.

Interestingly, one of my own daughters rejected my more liberal values, and although I voted democratic in the last election, she voted republican. As a business school graduate, she was determined to prove to me that I didn't understand business. I chose not to argue with her and to respect her process. I wasn't sure if she totally believed her own arguments, or if she was individuating and trying to stand on her own two feet. I also thought she was rebelling and let her do so.

This year she is voting the same way I am, though her stated reasons are different. So, often it is a developmental process that gets enacted through the political arena. All politics are a reflection of personal and family dynamics. Voter decisions are multi-dimensional and are rarely solely issue-based.

It stands to reason that parents who are closely intertwined with their adult kids can and will battle over political persuasions. When viewed as an interpersonal dynamic,it is easy to see how the political content becomes a vehicle for deeper emotions and changing family ties. Unfortunately, mending these rifts can be a long- term process.

This particular electionhas probably brought out more passion than any since JFK. Younger individuals tend to see the issues differently than those who have lived longer. Therefore, families have eitherforged greater solidarity or stronger bonds, or their differences have sowed deep rifts. This is certainly true between parents and kids.

A Political Marriage? Why McCain Chose Palin

*This is part one of a series of blogs on candidates, politics and the role of sex. I invite my FiftyandFurthermore counterparts to react, respond, and offer their own food for thought.

In preparation for tonight's debate, I found myself contemplating some political issues from a psychological view point. Those that I offer are not the only explanations, but they have enough truth to be thought about. Many have asked me why McCain picked Palin as his running mate. I suggest that we look beyond the usual reasons proffered: she's a maverick, she's a woman, she can connect with a specific segment of the American population, etc. I believe McCains choice of Sarah was highly influenced by an unconscious reason that is not unusual for a man in his position.

McCain is getting older. He arrived at 72 as a self-defined maverick. At 71 he said, "I am too old to be called The Comeback Kid. But Come Back I have." This was one of his first overt self reflections about his age.

Check your mythology, check movies, check your neighbor, and possibly even check out yourself. It is common for an older man, often ill or afraid, to wed (and this is a political marriage) a woman years younger than himself. At this point in his life he has gained wisdom and years of experience and at the same time is in need of a dash of youthful (sexual) life force. Sarah Palin brings sexuality, sensuality and energy to the Republican presidential pairing. She arrived on the scene much as a rock star might: big splash, full of energy and with enough noise and music in the background that she really doesn't need to sustain her drum rolls for more than a few months. If she can sustain this image, and I see no reason that she can't, we never have to get to know her until she possibly becomes our next Vice President, or if McCain isn't well, President.

McCain himself is not attacking, but neither is he holding his vice president in check. She is the younger women to an older man's fantasy wish. John McCain has a history of instantly falling in love. Was his choice of Palin really so different than the way he chose his second wife? Yes, on the surface it seems so. But I invite you to dig deeper. I'm curious if those who support Sarah Palin ever wonder why they may be voting for an "Energizer Bunny" sex symbol about whom so little is known.

Next: The Sexuality of Barrack and Michelle Obama

Yom Kippur and the Concept of Forgiveness

I have found something especially meaningful in every religion I've encountered. Forgiveness may be my favorite concept from the Jewish religion. Yom Kippur, this year taking place on October 9, 2008, is this religion's most holy day. It's the Day of Atonement and forgiveness. During this time, the participant is required to regret their sin, resolve never to do it again and ask the person they have sinned against for forgiveness. On Yom Kippur, you must confess the sin and also ask Hashem for forgiveness. (In conversation, many Jewish people will call God "Hashem," which is Hebrew for "the Name.")

However, the ancient Rabbis understood that human nature is sometimes stubborn and does not always easily forgive. It is therefore customary to ask people before Yom Kippur to forgive you for anything you may have done to hurt them. If you make an honest attempt to ask the person for forgiveness, and he refuses to forgive you, you must try at least two more times. You have to wait a few days in-between requests, and they must be in three different places, in hopes that the person will cool off and change his mind. If he still refuses to forgive you, you have at least done your part.

I share with you a truly moving story of forgiveness.

October 1, 2008

Yom Kippur 5769: The Art of Forgiveness

By Jane Ulman

On the 50th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, in 1995, Eva Kor, then 61 and a real estate broker in Terre Haute, Ind., stood outside a gas chamber at the infamous camp and offered her forgiveness out loud to the late Dr. Josef Mengele for the inhumane medical experiments he had performed on her and her twin sister.

She forgave every other Nazi, as well.

"I, Eva Mozes Kor, a twin who survived as a child of Josef Mengele's experiments at Auschwitz 50 years ago, hereby give amnesty to all Nazis who participated directly or indirectly in the murder of my family and millions of others," she said that day, reading from a prepared statement. Even in our culture of apology, where "I forgive you" flows freely and often speedily from the mouths of perpetrators and politicians, parents and children, spouses and complete strangers, Kor's apology stands out.

"I call forgiveness the modern miracle medicine," she said.

Saging with Too Much Zest?

A few Friday's ago, as I was looking forward to and busily planning a weekend trip, I wound up in the George Washington University Emergency Room instead. The fact that it's a Trauma 1 center and that staff couldn't be nicer did little to ease my concerns. My doctor had already called in, so to my surprise and delight, I did not have the hours of long wait that Steph, my Executive Assistant, had prepared me for. My books went unread and there was no need for my carefully packed food.

Why did I end up in the emergency room on my Friday night, you may ask? I had had some internal lower back pain off and on for months. It wasn't muscular, and I believed it was either kidney or uterus-related. An ultrasound showed a small cyst on my right ovary, which if not malignant is concerning, but not a big deal. Still, as I was being checked by various specialists of Western and Eastern orientation, the pain continued to get worse. My doctor, telling me I'm not a complainer, urged me to go to the emergency room and get a CAT scan.

Steph sat with me until my husband flew in from hurricane territory in Florida. He managed to get on one of the few planes out of Jacksonville and arrive at my bedside looking as if could use a hospital bed for sleep. After going through the procedure, thoroughly body-scanned and diagnosed, I left that evening.

The good news is that nothing significant was discovered. The bad news is that no one knows what causes my pain. But, red-faced, I now have an idea. I've increased my exercise routine significantly these last few months, especially adding more Pilates workouts. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with this wonderful concept, Pilates focuses on core strength and requires much "C" shaped back rolling alternated by long stretching. I wonder if even though I am not aware of pain as a result of the classes, my lower back could be getting the kind of deep muscular workout that has caused it to hurt? I will ask my teacher and also request that I am watched very carefully. Hopefully, the answer can be that simple to find.

Either way, this experience is a reminder of how quickly life can change. One missed step or an errant gene, one car wreck or illness, can alter your life instantly. With humility, I once again am reminded of how tenuous life is.

Is Eighty the New Fifty?

Time Magazine makes a good argument that this is the case, at least in the business world. However, I prefer the more honest saying, "80 is the new 80." Anyone not yet there has some wonderful role models to emulate. Certainly when one looks at the accomplishments of today's businessmen, scientists and even enduring rock stars, the retirement age of 65 seems an outmoded and an inappropriate holdover from former times when life stopped sooner. Those who want to retire at 65 and need government help to do so should have it. But for those who want to keep on going, let's start thinking out of the box and not let discriminatory ageism stand in their way.There's Warren Buffett, strumming his ukulele, hosting his Woodstock for capitalists. There's the rich and irascible oil man, T Boone Pickens, trying to save the world with his own TV ads and organization. (And he's not even running for office!) There's Bruce Springsteen whose energy still makes my blood pump. Not to mention Neil Diamond, 67, Mick Jagger, 64, and Tina Turner, 68, who are still filling arenas. And 82 year-old Tony Bennet who has come back from retirement stronger than ever.
So, dear FiftyAndFurthermores, think about what you want as you sage. As many Silver Celebrities and everyday folk have shown, the future can be what you make it, at fifty OR at eighty.

It's Botox for You, Dear Bridesmaids

Beautiful weddings have always been a young woman's dream, but this seasoned soul has a different view. This summer I read a NY Times article entitled It's Botox for You, Dear Bridesmaids, regarding the trend of brides paying for their attendants to cosmetically alter their looks.I know I am of the Botox Generation, and I'm not opposed to using it, nor are many of my friends. However, I have a different slant about the new youthful craze where the bride gives Botox party treatments as her wedding gifts to her bridesmaids. It really makes me wonder about the essential values of my age-mates. Sure, you want to give something memorable to those who matter enough to you to share that special moment. And of course, beauty sells. So I can understand the allure. But for me at my age, I would hope my friends would feel wonderful enough about themselves without my "needling" them. I will take my friends any way they choose. If they want face lifts, Botox, restyling and whatever else makes them happy, that's OK with me. But should I ever get re-wed (perish the thought) at this age, I love who is in my life and how they look. They've worked hard to be how and where they are.I might give them a rest and relaxation trip or a night at the theater or just a night hanging out together with wine and champagne, reliving, crying and laughing down memory lane. But I'll happily leave the Botox to the "babes" and take my friends "au natural."

Senior Citizens Bureau and Hurricane Ike

FiftyAndFurthermore.com received a plea for help this weekend from the Senior Citizens Bureau in response to the devastating Hurricane Ike that ravaged the Gulf Coast. Hurricane Ike landed in Texas on Saturday morning and wreaked havoc across 9 states, killing 17 people and destroying many communities along its path. As rescuers, emergency response teams, and volunteers fly into the storm torn regions to offer aid, the death count is likely to continue to climb. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Ike
The SCB is a national, Houston-based, non-profit organization that provides services and community resources for the elderly, children of the elderly, and other caregivers, advocates and professionals. SCB currently serves over 400,000 members with information and support through http://www.seniorcitizensbureau.com/ and Elder Info Line (1.877.ELDER.55/1.877.353.3755), a 24-hour hotline for SCBmembers and those with vision limitations. (SCB) (http://www.seniorcitizensbureau.com). SCB's mission is to provide easily accessible information, guidance, and dispute resolution to the senior community and industry, and to bridge the gap between the elderly client and the service provider.
FiftyAndFurthermore will do all that we can to help those impacted by Hurricane Ike and asks our readers, visitors, writers and community to do the same.
How?Contribute:FundsFood HousingClothingGlassesHearing AidsMedicationLetters and HugsJoin a rescue team Household goods
Some specific issues that are facing the FiftyAndFurthermores in the aftermath of Hurricane Ike:
Keeping the community intact after the devastation and loss of lifeStarting over againFamily disruptionEconomic lossLoss of history, family photos, etc. Medical needsLoss of property and pets
Those of us over the age of fifty are in a unique position to offer wisdom, education and hugs. For those of us who can, donate funds to the victims who will need aid in the aftermath of Ike's destruction. FiftyAndFurthermore will keep you updated as to what you can do.
One thing not to do, is to rush to the hurricane scene unless you have specific training and/or are with a select aid group such as SCB, the Red Cross, or the American Group Psychotherapy Association's Trauma Division. Organizations such as these have resources that help match your skill set and ability with the jobs that are needed (on site, or off site). It's important to help, but it's also crucial to volunteer and make a difference in the capacity where you can do the most good. Warning: helpers with good hearts but without a plan or sustaining community often wind up as "collateral damage" instead of healers.
My thoughts are with all of you during this difficult time on the Gulf Coast.
Dr. Dorree Lynn

Seven Years Later

September 11, 2001 changed our lives forever. Americans understood that they were no longer impregnable and no longer safe from the kinds of assaults that most of the world had already endured. We all became a bit more anxious, a bit more concerned, and a bit more aware of the preciousness of life. Seven years later, 9/11 continues to shape our thinking, feeling and actions. This gaping hole in our terrain stands to remind us that it can, and most probably will, happen again. When we vote on November 2nd, we will be choosing a leader to protect us from these threats. I believe that no matter who we vote for, we need to be aware that 9/11 has taught us the single most important lesson. We are no longer alone. America is in fact part of the larger world and part of the global economy. Thus, we cannot bully our way to power. As we consider voting, consider issues, not personalities. Which candidates understand this fact best? Which candidates will build a secure country with minimum chance of war? Who will have learned from the past, and will do their best in the present to keep our future alive and growing? 9/11 changed our lives forever. It is up to us today, and election day, to vote out of our convictions, courageously.

The Juno Effect in Juneau?

What Bristol Palins Pregnancy Tells Us About U.S. Society
and the New Face of the GOP

What does the movie Juno have in common with Juneau, the capital of Alaska? Governor Sarah Palin & her pregnant teen daughter. The media has been abuzz about the exciting newcomer to the 2008 presidential election, Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin who is now McCain's tough cookie, beautiful, blue collar running mate. Well now the news gets even juicier as journalists flock to the scene - Bristol Palin, her 17 year-old daughter, is five months pregnant. Governor Palin knew that her daughter was pregnant during her announcement last week that she was running for VP."

In fact, Bristol was photographed at the convention holding her little brother during her mother's speech, and newspapers around the country are now re-using the pictures of the pregnant Bristol cuddling her napping sibling. I don't know if the captured image was just a natural picture, a tender moment caught on film of the Palin family, or if the shots were set up by the McCain camp, but either way, it is pure PR genius for the conservative Republicans. Notice I am not being accusatory and implying that the pictures were necessarily "staged." I have no doubt that Bristol is a wonderful big sis, but one can't deny that the pictures have a great spin for the media who will either be eating up the images of her as a loving mom-to-be, or exposing her baby bump pictures next week on YouTube.

Rumors are flying that perhaps Sarah Palin's infant son is in fact her daughter's child. This rumor has been denied and shot down of course, but the political mudslinging is ramping up as the Republicans accuse the Democrats of starting the lie. All the world's a stage. Last season, on ABC's hit TV show Desperate Housewives, Bree Hodge (played by Marcia Cross) faked a pregnancy to cover up for her teen daughter who was unwed and pregnant. Bree wore a pregnant body suit in front of her unknowing friends and sent her young daughter away to have the child and avoid social embarrassment. This plot reminds me of the issues that were so common in the 50's and 60's before women had much of a choice.

Whether it is a blockbuster movie like Juno, Wisteria Lane, or Pennsylvania Avenue, Bristol Palin's pregnancy is just one example of a growing trend among American families. Teen pregnancy is at an all-time high in the US right now, and abortions are at a 30 year low. An amazing number of grandparents are now becoming parents all over again to their children's children. Many voters will able to relate to Sarah Palin's situation, but many others will question why the governor put her name in the hat to be nominated for VP, knowing that her daughter would be put under the microscope.

One has to wonder, if Bristol Palin wasn't using contraception, then why not? The contraception issue is quite contradictory among journalists. The Washington Post reports, "Except Sarah Palin opposes programs that teach teenagers anything about contraception. The explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support,' she said in answering a questionnaire from the conservative Eagle Forum during her 2006 gubernatorial race." But research shows that abstinence programs are failing our teens because it's nave to think that we can prevent teens from having sex, it just doesn't work.

In contradiction to this, TIME Magazine reports, "She is Christian and pro-life, but also a supporter of birth control: she's a member of Feminists For Life (FFL), an anti-abortion, pro-contraception organization. In 2002, she wrote a letter to FFL stating that she had adamantly supported [their] cause since [she] first understood, as a child, the atrocity of abortion.'"

Is Palin's daughter getting married for the sake of the child, and because she loves her partner? Or is it because Bristol feels pressured to "do the right thing" while standing in the center of America's glaring spotlight? Statistics indicate that teenage marriages have a tough time surviving, especially if they start off with an extra bundle of joy. Bristol will certainly have many obstacles to face as a young mother, even with the unconditional support and love that that her parents have promised her. I would hope that my own daughters would want to talk to me about their sexual relationships and contraception. What would I tell them to do? It would depend on many factors, such as the length of the relationships, economics and family support. As a psychologist, the one thing I know for sure is that there is no easy answer.