Plenty of Fish in the Sea

The age of prince, or princess, charming showing up at your door is over. But, hard as it is to believe, there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you are single and hoping to find a life partner or an interim good-fit companion, you can’t just sit at home and expect Mister or Miss Right to magically show up at your door. Finding your match is like job hunting, only harder. Like on a job search, you might get lucky the first time out, or you may have to invest some time and intelligence into sorting through the possibilities. As with job hunting, it helps to know yourself and be persistent. Unlike job hunting, looking for a potential mate involves more of the whole you, body, mind, and heart. And then there’s that confusing question of sex. If you go out, do you have to put out? Does a guy have different needs than a gal? Do you even know your needs? Are you aware of the new rules for dating so you can keep safe and find who you want? Dating after 50 takes some research and smart thinking, a cautiously open heart and the willingness to invest some time and effort in the present so that you can change your future.

Calling All Men with Falling Hair, Faulty Plumbing, and Flagging Dicks

I am totally immersed in writing my new book tentatively titled Is there Sex After 50? (Health Communications, Inc, Spring 2010). They are the publishers of Chicken Soup for The Soul and many other New_York Times, best sellers. Who know what will happen? The important part is that I’m loving writing it and working intensely to meet my summer deadline. I’ll tell you much more about the book as I complete chapters. For now, here’s a first draft teaser that may or may not be changed. I do tell you how to fix the challenges in the book and will shortly in a blog.

Calling All Men with Falling Hair, Faulty Plumbing, and Flagging Dicks

Is your hair thinning or already gone? Are your whiskers going grayer than an old goose? When you wake up in the middle of the night to pee (again!), does your belly stick out further than your prick?

Back when you were young, you wanted to make love, again and again. Now you’re lucky if you can just get it up. Are you wondering what changed? More importantly, wouldn’t you love to know how to fix it?

Sex Trumps Economics

There’s no doubt about it, times are tough. Instead of letting the recession take a toll on your relationship, the trick is to utilize these economically challenging times to remember qualities that can strengthen your most endearing relationships. Be honest about what you are upset/stressed about, but don’t play the “blame game.”

Five Relationship Building Tips:

COMMUNICATE. Be open and communicate what is going on financially with each person. Discuss how much each person is making, what your budget is and where you will cut costs to make up for a lower income or just to increase savings. Never assume how things should work financially. People often make assumptions in relationships based on their own family dynamics, which can cause trouble if you are not on the same page. Always talk about it.

BE THOUGHTFUL. Some advice: “My boyfriend is a financial planner and I recently learned to check the stock market at the end of the day. Most importantly, it means a lot to him that I pay attention to the things that are important to him and second, it gives me a heads up on what kind of mood he’ll be in when he gets home!” The important thing is to be sensitive to each other’s reactions to money and individual stresses about the financial situation.

ACT AS A TEAM. Do not blame one person or another for making less money or losing their job. Combine your resources and figure out what works best for both of you. It’s also important to set goals together. If you are the major bread winner, make sure your partner doesn’t feel guilty by reassuring him/her that you are a team. If you make less, help the other person not to feel resentful by making extra contributions in other aspects of your relationship and daily lives. Remember roles can switch in a heartbeat.

SEX HELPS. At the end of a long day, sex helps. (Even an afternoon delight-if you can squeeze it in.) It’s been proven that good sex releases “happy hormones.” Therefore, it is a great way for a couple to come together and focus on each other rather than life’s challenges.

NEVER TALK ECONOMICS IN THE BEDROOM. If you want to experience performance anxiety, just plain anxiety or get into a fight, go ahead and talk money in bed. My advice: Never.!!! Save such conversations for a designated time, with a glass of wine or a cup of tea. But never confuse a discussion about stressful economics with a joyful outcome about thee and me.

Sex is Recession Proof; Love is Depression Proof

In the wake of dire predictions of our current economic crisis and, even more so, actually dealing with the reality of shrinking bank accounts, a poor real estate market and tons of fraud, many people are experiencing psychological highs and lows as well as multiple stress related physical symptoms. A great antidote to depression, sleeplessness and general malaise is sex. Sex, with or without penetration or orgasm, though both are pluses, produces more than psychological benefit. When individuals are aroused their bodies release natural feel-good endorphins. These endorphins help keep the body healthy and spirits high.

Reaching out to those you care about and even those who may be less fortunate than you are and need your help, also helps keep you happier. Good relationships and loving connections produce hormones that are known as “happy hormones” or “live longer hormones” that help keep individuals healthier and alive.

There is even reason to reach out for the one glass of red wine which produces energy additive antioxidants which keep stamina going and help your bedtime activities stay active. In addition, “forbidden” delights such as chocolate can also be heart healthy in many ways. flavonoids fight disease, and antioxidants prevent some of the risk factors associated with heart attacks and strokes. Chocolate is also rich in an amino acid called phenyl ethylamine, the "love chemical” that serves as a natural anti-depressant. Of course if you break out in acne or your waist line enlarges or you have diabetes, these preventative joys are not a good idea. Warning: use with caution and consult your health professional before you change your diet.

During the great depression families got closer, not more distant. Precisely because of the duress due to the times, they needed each other and reached out for support and sustenance. They also had less time and/or interest in divorce, acquisitions of unnecessary items and extraneous costly activities.

So, under our current economic stress, don’t quit and certainly don’t be a loner. Join with those you care about. Keep doing activities that you enjoy (even though you may have to scale down frequency or be innovative about how to afford them.) Eat some otherwise ‘forbidden foods”, have sex with those you care about, not those who are simply handy such as your postal person or hairdresser, and certainly open your heart to demonstrate love to those you truly care about. Think about sex and love as the best prescriptions for your health. And the best part is that they are free.