Plenty of Fish in the Sea

The age of prince, or princess, charming showing up at your door is over. But, hard as it is to believe, there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you are single and hoping to find a life partner or an interim good-fit companion, you can’t just sit at home and expect Mister or Miss Right to magically show up at your door. Finding your match is like job hunting, only harder. Like on a job search, you might get lucky the first time out, or you may have to invest some time and intelligence into sorting through the possibilities. As with job hunting, it helps to know yourself and be persistent. Unlike job hunting, looking for a potential mate involves more of the whole you, body, mind, and heart. And then there’s that confusing question of sex. If you go out, do you have to put out? Does a guy have different needs than a gal? Do you even know your needs? Are you aware of the new rules for dating so you can keep safe and find who you want? Dating after 50 takes some research and smart thinking, a cautiously open heart and the willingness to invest some time and effort in the present so that you can change your future.

Calling All Men with Falling Hair, Faulty Plumbing, and Flagging Dicks

I am totally immersed in writing my new book tentatively titled Is there Sex After 50? (Health Communications, Inc, Spring 2010). They are the publishers of Chicken Soup for The Soul and many other New_York Times, best sellers. Who know what will happen? The important part is that I’m loving writing it and working intensely to meet my summer deadline. I’ll tell you much more about the book as I complete chapters. For now, here’s a first draft teaser that may or may not be changed. I do tell you how to fix the challenges in the book and will shortly in a blog.

Calling All Men with Falling Hair, Faulty Plumbing, and Flagging Dicks

Is your hair thinning or already gone? Are your whiskers going grayer than an old goose? When you wake up in the middle of the night to pee (again!), does your belly stick out further than your prick?

Back when you were young, you wanted to make love, again and again. Now you’re lucky if you can just get it up. Are you wondering what changed? More importantly, wouldn’t you love to know how to fix it?

Sex Trumps Economics

There’s no doubt about it, times are tough. Instead of letting the recession take a toll on your relationship, the trick is to utilize these economically challenging times to remember qualities that can strengthen your most endearing relationships. Be honest about what you are upset/stressed about, but don’t play the “blame game.”

Five Relationship Building Tips:

COMMUNICATE. Be open and communicate what is going on financially with each person. Discuss how much each person is making, what your budget is and where you will cut costs to make up for a lower income or just to increase savings. Never assume how things should work financially. People often make assumptions in relationships based on their own family dynamics, which can cause trouble if you are not on the same page. Always talk about it.

BE THOUGHTFUL. Some advice: “My boyfriend is a financial planner and I recently learned to check the stock market at the end of the day. Most importantly, it means a lot to him that I pay attention to the things that are important to him and second, it gives me a heads up on what kind of mood he’ll be in when he gets home!” The important thing is to be sensitive to each other’s reactions to money and individual stresses about the financial situation.

ACT AS A TEAM. Do not blame one person or another for making less money or losing their job. Combine your resources and figure out what works best for both of you. It’s also important to set goals together. If you are the major bread winner, make sure your partner doesn’t feel guilty by reassuring him/her that you are a team. If you make less, help the other person not to feel resentful by making extra contributions in other aspects of your relationship and daily lives. Remember roles can switch in a heartbeat.

SEX HELPS. At the end of a long day, sex helps. (Even an afternoon delight-if you can squeeze it in.) It’s been proven that good sex releases “happy hormones.” Therefore, it is a great way for a couple to come together and focus on each other rather than life’s challenges.

NEVER TALK ECONOMICS IN THE BEDROOM. If you want to experience performance anxiety, just plain anxiety or get into a fight, go ahead and talk money in bed. My advice: Never.!!! Save such conversations for a designated time, with a glass of wine or a cup of tea. But never confuse a discussion about stressful economics with a joyful outcome about thee and me.

Sex is Recession Proof; Love is Depression Proof

In the wake of dire predictions of our current economic crisis and, even more so, actually dealing with the reality of shrinking bank accounts, a poor real estate market and tons of fraud, many people are experiencing psychological highs and lows as well as multiple stress related physical symptoms. A great antidote to depression, sleeplessness and general malaise is sex. Sex, with or without penetration or orgasm, though both are pluses, produces more than psychological benefit. When individuals are aroused their bodies release natural feel-good endorphins. These endorphins help keep the body healthy and spirits high.

Reaching out to those you care about and even those who may be less fortunate than you are and need your help, also helps keep you happier. Good relationships and loving connections produce hormones that are known as “happy hormones” or “live longer hormones” that help keep individuals healthier and alive.

There is even reason to reach out for the one glass of red wine which produces energy additive antioxidants which keep stamina going and help your bedtime activities stay active. In addition, “forbidden” delights such as chocolate can also be heart healthy in many ways. flavonoids fight disease, and antioxidants prevent some of the risk factors associated with heart attacks and strokes. Chocolate is also rich in an amino acid called phenyl ethylamine, the "love chemical” that serves as a natural anti-depressant. Of course if you break out in acne or your waist line enlarges or you have diabetes, these preventative joys are not a good idea. Warning: use with caution and consult your health professional before you change your diet.

During the great depression families got closer, not more distant. Precisely because of the duress due to the times, they needed each other and reached out for support and sustenance. They also had less time and/or interest in divorce, acquisitions of unnecessary items and extraneous costly activities.

So, under our current economic stress, don’t quit and certainly don’t be a loner. Join with those you care about. Keep doing activities that you enjoy (even though you may have to scale down frequency or be innovative about how to afford them.) Eat some otherwise ‘forbidden foods”, have sex with those you care about, not those who are simply handy such as your postal person or hairdresser, and certainly open your heart to demonstrate love to those you truly care about. Think about sex and love as the best prescriptions for your health. And the best part is that they are free.

Help the Economy: Shop American

I am going to say something bad. Try counting to 10 and thinking before you dismiss me. Try substituting curiosity instead of judgment. My bad words are: "I finally understand what it is to be American." Not only that, I know how to do my part in helping turn around America's flagging economy. Years ago I was a pilgrim abroad seeking other cultures to plant my roots. After a year of traveling I returned to my home. It's too complex to reiterate all the reasons why, but I knew I was an American and this was where I would live.

So one thing Obama has got right is that if we are going to shore up our economy, we have to buy American. I am suddenly obsessed with the idea in the most practical way.

The election night tableau of the Obama family on stage brought home how much has changed in American culture. The history-ready photograph that was seen around the world was color-coded, perfectly designed and purchased all-American. Now let's get this straight. I love my Valentino and was recently photographed for a fashion magazine in my favorite Galliano. Wearing my red Dior lambskin jacket butters my soul. (Okay, I'm a bit hyperbolic, it's only my skin.) But American is now my preference, and you will be glad to hear, it won't be St. John.

Obama didn't wear Zegna or Brioni, two European men's designers whose fabrics and cuts are as they say "to die for." He stuck with the darkest blue Chicago company Hart Schaffner Marx made and looked just swell. His red and grey striped tie color coordinated with Sasha and Maila's outfits, and Michelle's black and red was also designed by an American. I admit, on TV the dress looked awful, but after researching the dress, it was by Cuban immigrant Narciso Rodriguez, designer of the wedding dress worn by the late fashionista Carolyn Bessette Kennedy. Michelle had tossed an all-American black cardigan over the dress's curvy lines and had probably never realized that the lacey fabric didn't show well on TV. I've little doubt that she'll do better next time.

But I've gotten the message. For years I've said that Detroit had to go hybrid to compete, that windmills were for more than chasing after and that manufacturing and purchasing US made would be how our economy could grow. This country is a great pace to travel, and vacations to fit every desire can be had without leaving our states and territories.

Does this mean I will avoid the rest of the word? No. After all, we are a World Wide Web world. But I will think twice about keeping my purchase close to home. When possible, I will shop American products. I suggest you do too.

Caregiving and Sex: A Conversation

I used to say that my last book, When The Man You Love is Ill: Doing The Best for Your Partner Without Losing Yourself, wasn't really a sexy book. While it's true that Caregiving isn't usually considered a sexy subject, I do have an entire section devoted to taking care of your relationship. And one chapter, "Your Sex Life and Serious Illness," offers tons of psychological and practical tips on how to keep your sex life alive.Last week, I was traveling, appearing on media and speaking to groups on various subjects. Exhausted, I arrived for my final flight home. The airline attendant behind the center was someone I've gotten to know well. She's a lovely woman and as we chatted about my speech that morning at the Jacksonville Jewish Center and about her life, the subject of sex came up. "My husband was in a terrible car crash four months ago," Janine told me. "He almost died."I was taken aback at her news and as the airport was relatively empty, we continued to chat. He's been home recuperating and she's been the primary caregiver, mom of four young kids and trying to keep life functioning, one day at a time.I don't remember how the subject of sex came up. Maybe we were talking about the effect of his medications? Impishly, she looked at me and said, "My husband says the train is in the station, but he isn't able to board, but honey, come on over and hop on the caboose."Tired as I was, I left smiling. As I walked towards my plane, over my shoulder I said to her. "Consider that line too good not to be shared."

Thanksgiving: Maintaining Holiday Spirit While Learning from the Past

This Thanksgiving it is more important than ever to pay attention to what we have to be Thankful for. For me, it's health, family, friends the ability to pay bills and gratitude that I have the discipline to continue to exercise and eat well and think clearly. I add the latter "disciplines" as I believe that these are important factors for all of us to pay attention to in order to age positively.Amid screaming headlines such as "Market Fall Deepens as Concerns Mount on Banks" (Wall Street Journal, Nov. 21, 2008) and "Financial System Suffers Relapse" (Washington Post, Nov. 21, 2008), as well as hearing quite frequently that an additional (be my guest and name any astonishingly large figure) have been laid off at (name the company of your choice), millions in America are saying, "I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can't even breathe easily." They are obsessed with failed 401K's, looming non-retirement, job security, issues related to children's schools, health, etc. And what about sick parents, spouses and loved ones? What if you aren't sick, but are a caregiver as well? Many are having panic attacks, are depressed or are obsessively wondering where they went wrong and what to do. You may even be doing all those mentioned and more.So, during this most American of all holidays, the day set aside for family and gratitude, how do we overcome our fears and, for many, their terror about the future? We all know it's not going to get better soon. FiftyAndFurthermore.com can offer articles designed to give you practical tips to help you enjoy this holiday time. My own focus is how to help you deal with doom and gloom, if only for a day or two, and experience fulfillment and abundance. During these upcoming months, my FiftyAndFurthermore team and I will continue to give you practical information and sustainable information about how to cope with your emotional downs and ups as well as your finances. So look for our special section called Couch and Cash which will focus on your psyche as wells your pocketbook.We have much to learn from the past. Our grandparents or great-grandparents went from the high times of the 20's to the low times of the 30's. Now, we are the ones moving from the high times of the 90's and 2000's to the low times that are coming. They survived, loved, had sex, made babies and kept families together. So will we, and those of us over fifty will use our knowledge to help pave the way.This is a time to learn from nature's cycles and remember that "for everything there is a season" This is our season to remember our abundance, our love and the need to reach out to each other. This is the time for gratitude for what we have. No matter what else is going on, embrace those you love and those less fortunate than yourself. As a country, as individuals and as families, this is the time to remember that Life is too hard to do alone - Reach Out.